Our Greatest Christmas Gift

I really miss the fact that I don't have time to do many things that I love to do -- especially write about my daughter.  Every day, I am amazed with the things she says and does and I feel like I want to just bottle it up so I'll recall it for eternity -- in the form of this blog.

The last few weeks have been very difficult given the tragedy in CT.  I've always been a softy but for almost 4 years now --- not a moment passes when I'm not hugging, kissing, and telling Kristina I love her or atleast thinking about her when we're not together.  But this inconceivable tragedy adds another layer to this deep bond we have with our daughter -- the realization that no matter how much we love and adore her and provide all of life's essentials, it's not always enough to protect her.

So today, Christmas Day, when so much of the morning hub-bub is about opening gifts, not a moment passes that I don't look at our Kristina and think about her -- our greatest gift ever.  She didn't come wrapped in paper, donned with bows, nor sealed with layers of sticky tape.  Instead, she came to us full of life, with empathy for others, hoarding a never-ending curiousity regarding how things work, exhibiting a level of independence and wise insight making me think that she is an old soul.

At this time, we wish all our friends and family a wonderful Christmas Season ~ and hopefully soon, I'll find some free time and energy to share more about our greatest gift ever!

We love you, Kristina DeAnn, and Merry Christmas, babygirl!   Mwah!

Thankful...For So Much

In the 4 years that I have been using this blog as my outlet of love for our daughter, I don't think I have ever let a month go by without posting something.  Well, looks like that has changed!  Life got in the way this last 6 weeks but not a day has passed when I haven't been writing a blog post in my mind as I watch Kristina explore something new or say something that about knocks my socks off.

But as November comes to a close, I feel compelled to write about what I am thankful for.

For God and all his blessings.  I thank God daily (especially during my 2-hour commute to work...lots of time on my hands) for our health, our family and their health, and all the "things" we have that make our house a home.

For my husband.  It was 20 years ago on November 21st that we went to our local amusement park (Magic Mountain) and rode a rickety rollercoaster called the Colossus.  It was the same ride we took 11 years prior on our first date when in high school.  At the top of the first incline, Jon whipped out a ring and proposed to me!  It's been a wild ride ever since but to have Jon at my side to encourage me, be my sanity when I've lost it, and just be there ~ has been a blessing.  I love you, Jon.

For my daughter.  I am brought to tears when I look at her as she sleeps.  How in the world did I deserve such a gift from God?  Seriously.  I love to listen to her breathe as she snuggles up to me in the early mornings, I am in awe with her wit and curiosity, and I love the innocent passion she has with life as she dances and sings at the top of her lungs, and the way she finds beauty with weeds, bugs, and "abstract" drawings.  I could write a book alone on all the things I love about our Kristina.

For our parents.  For Jon's parents who have watched Kristina on Saturdays for 3 years and who have endured attended numerous school shows, dance recitals, and Halloween parades.  Kristina will remember for a lifetime all the fun with her Nana and Grampa and we are deeply appreciative ~ more than words can express.  For my parents in FL, who provide long distance love and support and share in the excitement of little daily "Kristinaisms" through numerous calls a week.  Kristina treasures the times she spends with Grammy and Poppy and frequently asks to go to FL as if they lived in the next city and not a plane ride away.  I wish we lived closer more than anyone will ever know.  Keep playing the Lotto, Dad!

For extended family.  Kristina *loves* her Auntie Erin (who spoils Kristina as if she were her very own daughter), Uncle Jim, Uncle Bryce and cousins Jimmy, Andrew, Griffin and Alex.  Being the only girl in the immediate family sure has it's benefits -- she gets to play with Barbie, her baby doll and then get her cousins to let her play with the iPad!

For our friends.  I miss the days when we would see friends every weekend or on some sort of regular basis, and talk on the phone for hours on end.  Life leads us in so many directions but each and every friend of ours, no matter how close or far you reside from us, you are so very close in our heart and thoughts.  All.the.time.

For our jobs.  When I find myself "dragging" or aching and just wishing I didn't have to go to work, I take a reality check and remember how grateful I am to have a job.  A job I love.  Sure, I hate the commute but what's on the end of each part of the commute makes it worth it.

For adoption.  November is National Adoption Month...and I never knew this until a few years ago when adoption completed our family.  Without the option of adoption, I wouldn't have the best job in the world -- being a mom.  I thank God for this opportunity of adoption and pray for every woman who wants to be a mom that their dreams can be fulfilled, too.  I used to be on the other side crying because I figured God didn't want me to be a mom.  He did...I just didn't understand He had a different path in mind!  I ask all my friends and family to please take a brief moment and pray for the 143 million children in the world who don't have a mommy and/or daddy.  These children only need love, a touch, a caring hug.  As you can see from the photos below, this is what love can do for a child.

Thank you, Kristina, for showing us what love is all about. 

There isn't an animal Kristina doesn't LOVE...and she certainly won't pass up a pony ride!

I know someone who would sleep in these boots...if we let her!

Such a girly girl!!

A photo op at the polls after voting.  Kristina says "I'll vote when I'm six!"

After going on her first school field trip to the Olive Garden, we now "must" cook with hairnets!

 

So thankful to Brent, former Director at Adoption Options.  He made the decision to call Jon and me when he had Kristina's photo on his desk.  I thank God every day that Brent called US.

This photo says it all....

And now for some out takes!!!

Yeah, she's our happy baby girl!!

Future Blog Bits:
* Halloween Roundup
* Reunions
* Thanksgiving

And trying to get all this in before Christmas.  HA!

"Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Despite the fact that Christmas decorations are already up in many stores, the title of this post does not infer that we're singing Christmas songs in our household.  Quite the opposite.

Now that Kristina is in Kindergarten, we're having our first challenges with someone else telling us "she's not doing this right" and "she's not doing that right." We never got this feedback from her Pre-School teachers...in fact, we got the opposite. (But don't get me wrong...I believe the Kindergarten teachers!)

Since day 1 of becoming a family, we have worked so hard to ensure a smooth attachment.  And we were blessed with relatively no glitches along the way.  Sure -- we have looked for signs/symptoms of various diagnoses of children who previously lived in an orphanage (I despise the words "previously institutionalized"....) but for those people who tell us "oh, just wait -- the problems will start to show up when she goes to school" -- at what point do you just say "hey, she's a little girl and this is what social, fiercely independent little girls do!"?

So for those who have anxiously been awaiting a "Yellow Card" vs "Green Card" update (and you know who you are!  he,he,he) --- let's just say Kristina's calendar is quite colorful.  Yes, there's lots of green but there's also numerous yellow and now...we've had two "Orange Card" days.

Why?  Well, let's just say Kristina hears everything but just doesn't listen.  For instance, when coloring a picture and the teacher tells everyone to sit on the carpet for reading time, Kristina will continue coloring.  When the teacher calls Kristina again, she simply informs the teacher that she would like to finish what she started.  Oye.  Yellow Card.   And then she can't just leave her crayons all over her desk, Kristina must first clean them up and put them in the cup neatly.  D'oh -- Orange Card.  Plus, Kristina loves to talk so we're really trying to teach her when it's ok to be social and when it's not...

Sigh....this is only Kindergarten!  What can we expect when she's in her teens??

Kristina loves to go to the salon with me.  "Can I please get curls?"  Such a girly, girl!

Curls....that stay in maybe 20 minutes!!!

Looking so grown up.

All dressed up...for the dentist!

Getting a thorough cleaning.  No cavities and a 6 y.o. molar is starting to come in!

Such a good patient.  She *loves* going to the dentist and they love to see her.

"Don't Let The Wings Fool You" t-shirt..with wings on the back.
Here is Kristina all packed up and headed out to Nana's on a Saturday morning.

Kristina's new friend, Janey.  They have been asking for a playdate since Day 1 in August.  Finally -- last week the girls were soooo excited to go out together!

First stop:  the monkey bars!  (I'm starting to think Kristina is part flamingo...)

The calloused hands are proof enough this girl LOVES swinging on the monkey bars.  And she's so good!

First play date -- big success.

Teacher's helper at the school aftercare program - cleaning all the tables.  Now if I could get her to do it at home!
 

The scene of the crime:  Kristina was behind the swing today (right before school was to start) when a little boy pushed the swing (not seeing her) and cut her mouth right above her two front teeth.  I raced back to school in traffic (already >45 min. into my commute!) to find her clingy and upset but overall, survived unscathed.  The bleeding stopped and I signed her in at school.  She was lucky this time!

"That" School Project

For mother's of children who were adopted at an older age, the assignment sent home from school that requests a "baby picture" can send a chill down one's spine.  This was our first of, I'm sure, more to come.

Kristina is still young enough to know enough ~ but not enough.  Make sense?  I elected to send a photo of Kristina at the age of 20 months -- the age we met her for the very first time.  (Click here if you want to re-live those moments with us...!)  Coincidentally, that was 4 years ago this week, so how apropos was it to send a photo from one of our first moments together?  I mean really -- 20 months is still a baby, right?  In my book -- definitely!

Well, Kristina came home from school with the picture and sadly declared "Some of the kids at school were making fun of me -- saying I was bald."   What?  Who said that?  What was his/her name?  Well, I......   Yes, the Mama Bear in me wanting to protect my cub was coming out.  How dare someone say that!  Ok, ok -- these are kids and I have to prepare myself that I can't shelter my little one from hurtful comments.  All I can do is to prepare her regarding how to respond and instill a sense of self-confidence the best I can so comments like this don't shake her up.

What's interesting to me is to see her interaction with the "older" kids at school and in the aftercare program.  Earlier this week, I drove up to pick up Kristina from aftercare and she was playing on the playground.  I could easily see her and the other kids and hear all that was being said.  (It's ok to stalk if it's your own kid, right?)  Kristina made a fancy knot with a jump rope and then yelled to one of the boys "Hey, look what I made" and the boy replied "I don't talk to baby kindergarteners."   UGH -- excuuuuuuuse me? ~ I thought!  This boy was a feisty First Grader -- how rude!  He saw me and I gave him the "Laura Look," as Jon calls it --- the same one I use if we get cut off on the freeway.  I didn't say anything to the little boy, only asked Kristina to show me her cool knot.  Kids are kids...I'm just not used to this yet!

I'm sure many more projects await us and more comments will be said to thinken our skin, but all I can say is "bring it on."  Four years ago was the beginning of the best thing that has ever happened to Jon and me.  We love you, Kristina DeAnn!!!!  xoxoxo

September, 2008 -- Age 20 months, Trip 1

No, Kristina, my dear --- you were not bald.  Just very fair, white hair!

September, 2012 -- Age 5 1/2 years old

Our Angel *loves* her scooter!

"You are our sunshine, our only sunshine..."

Mommy Dearest

Yesterday, yes --- I felt like Mommy Dearest --- and should have been awarded the Worst Mommy of the Year Award.  The days leading up to yesterday were BUSY.  We went away with friends to Anaheim to check-in with Minnie and Mickey Mouse.  It was hot.  Lots and lots of walking.  And we were tired.

We got home late Monday night and even tho' Kristina slept in the car, she had to be up by 6:30am Tuesday for school -- which meant not enough sleep for our little angel.  And definitely not enough sleep for me as I was up even later unpacking bags and up early packing lunches.

When I arrived at Kristina's aftercare program Tuesday afternoon, her teacher told me how well Kristina did working on her homework.  "Very focused."  Then Kristina came in from playing outside, gave me a HUGE hug and proceeded to run over to the sink with one of her new friends.  When the teacher warned them both to turn the water off and put the paper towels down, my daughter proceeded to wet the paper towels.  You would have thought the teacher spoke a foreign language, one Kristina didn't understand.  When I reiterated the teacher's request....nothing.  Even when I approached Kristina, she continued to play with the water and papertowels.

I calmly but sternly reprimanded Kristina for not listening when all of a sudden, she started screaming, dropped limply to the floor, and cried "I wanna go on the monkey bars!" (Usually a privilege for when she's been good.  ugh -- yeah, right..)  When I said "No, we are going home now" -- she lost it even more.  Tears flowed down her dust-ridden face as she had a complete meltdown right there on the classroom floor.  The teacher ordered her friend to go outside as my mind raced "Who is this alien pretending to be my daughter?"

Never before has Kristina had a "tantrum" in public.  It was unchartered territory for me and I stood my ground dragging her (almost literally) to the car --- as she cried for the whole neighborhood to hear.  When we got in the car, she screamed bloody murder, "I want a smoothie!!" -- another treat for special occasions.  Yeah, right -- again.

At home, the crying/wimpering continued, even as I held her, rocked her, and tried to rationalize with a 5 year old about good behavior and rewards.  I know she understood -- she just didn't want to.  I could do no right -- dinner was too hot, bath too cold, I looked at her wrong, I picked the wrong pj's, I didn't put the right items in her lunch box, etc.  Sigh...

But, as I held her close while reading a night-night book, she fell asleep instantly, even before Daddy got home from work.  She was exhausted.  Overly exhausted.

Today -- the aliens returned our angel to us!  Life is good.  :)

It was a cool 65 degrees last Friday morning...cool enough for Kristina to break out her pancho and gloves.  It was in the high 90's later on.

Kristina and her friend, Jasmine, were so excited at the hotel the night before Disneyland!

The girls practically ran to the front gate!

The entire park was decked out in Halloween decor.

At the Happiest Place on Earth

Giving me the Kristina wink.  ;)

The girls didn't get to see Ariel just once...

...but twice!  By far, the prettiest and sweetest Princess of all!

Today, Kristina drew a picture of Daddy, Mommy, Kristina, her brother, her sister, and her baby.
Sigh...maybe she knows something we don't.

Tough Transition

We're into week 3 now of Kindergarten and are slowly working out a good routine (now preparing lunches, snacks, homework nightly, reading before bed, etc.) and everything going quite smoothly...or so we thought.

Today we did our Monday morning routine of walking to school and playing on the playground together until the 8 o'clock bell.  We all filed into the classroom, parents said their good-byes, and the children filed out onto the playground through a different door for a short (20-minute) assembly.

Although parents are invited to hang out for the periodic assembly (where they say the Pledge of Allegiance, give announcements, do the school chant, promote the PTA, etc.), I decided to "leave" like most of the other parents but hung out next to a building within eyeshot of Kristina but far enough away so she wouldn't see me.

I was *wrong*.  She saw me.  She waved a few times but then I saw bystanders near Kristina looking back towards me.  Ugh-oh....she didn't look happy.  In fact, Kristina was sobbing, the kind where she couldn't catch her breath.  I went over to her and held her and wiped the tears -- the real tears.  She just kept telling me "I want to go home wichu, I want to go home wichu".  Her teacher approached me and tried to comfort Kristina, too, but to no avail.  Then she nestled her head into my neck and said "I miss my old school."  My heart was aching.

When the assembly ended, I held Kristina's hand as we walked back to the classroom.  All the kids took their place on the carpet and Kristina just held me.  We did the "one more hug" routine and the teacher took Kristina's hand and lead her to the carpet.  I walked out the door, heard her crying, and tears escaped my eyes.

Took hours for me to get the sound of Kristina crying out of my head...and the report from our darling after school is that it took "10 minutes" for her to feel better. Also, when she came home, she declared "I got a 'lellow' card because I was talking to a boy when we were listening to music BUT this girl got an ORANGE card and now she's going to be in trouble from her mommy and daddy."  Good try at deflecting the attention away from your yellow card, my dear....

Now for some photos of Happy Times from this past weekend!

On Saturday night, we went out to dinner with about 45 other people -- all who belong to the So. California Russian Adoption Group.  Kristina is trying the Borscht Soup...but we finished it.  She's a chicken noodle kinda girl now!

The new era of "playing together".

All the kids.  The little boy in front far right was born the exact same day as Kristina!

We spent Sunday with family/friend Michael who is getting out of CA and moving to N. Carolina this week.

"We're going to miss you very much, Uncle Michael!"
Best wishes, Michael -- you are truly a survivor in every aspect of the word!



Kristina doesn't pass up an opportunity to pose!

It's a rarity that we have a photo with all 3 of us!

Horrors! Yellow Card Day!

My heart sank --- no way, not my angel!  As I reached into Kristina's cubby at her YMCA aftercare program, I saw a color on her homework folder that made my jaw drop ---- YELLOW!

Teachers and parents probably know what I'm talking about -- the color card system that indicates a child's behavior at school that day:  green card = good behavior, yellow card = a couple of problems, orange card = several problems, and red card = severe problems.  Everyday, up until today, Kristina's folder proudly beamed with a green box representing a green card day.

Today was different.  When I picked her up at 5:30pm, Kristina was spazzy, running all over the place with another kid, hiding under tables (like I can't spot that white hair anywhere!) - ugh.  When I saw the yellow on her homework folder, all the fun was over.  No monkey bars today which made for a very unhappy child -- "crying" for 15 minutes non-stop all the way home and as we got settled into the house.

We had our "come to Jesus" meeting at which time I learned she got into trouble for talking to a boy when they were supposed to be doing Math ~ quietly.  Great --- trouble with boys already ... and she doesn't even know his name! 

We're optimistic that the remainder of the month will be all green.  We even roll-played Kristina working on something and I tried to engage her in talking.  Ha -- we'll see if it works!

This parenting gig isn't easy...and yeah, yeah ---- I know.
We haven't seen anything yet!

One week in school and already a yellow card!  Sigh...

Pictures from yesterday...
Before going to the "other side"!

Yesterday, our angel wanted a new hairdo.  Creativity is limited at 6:45 in the morning!

On our way to school, Kristina called out "Kitty, Kitty" and sure enough, kitty came out from behind the bushes.  Kristina has been calling for this local stray cat since she was 3.

Kristina showing me her classroom and her teacher in the doorway.

Uncle Jim in FL was on the cell phone sending Kristina hugs -- and she reciprocated back!

World: Meet Our Official "School Girl"!

It was almost 8:00 in the morning this past Tuesday and already in the low 90's ~ another scorcher of a day.  We huddled into an auditorium filled with lots of parents and kids jockying to find seats close enough to the front of the large, loud room in order to be able to see the principal --- but not too close.

Kristina chose our row and instructed where I was to sit and where Daddy was to sit.  She plopped down, held her TinkerBelle lunchbox on her lap, and smiled cautiously, graciously as I tried to take pictures with both my iPhone and camera.  "Come on, Kristina -- one more pic for Grammy and Poppy, Nana and Grampa!"  Very few pictures have her actually looking at the camera as she was trying to soak in all the hussle and bussle around us.

The Principal stood to welcome us and rample off a lot of info we later found in our Welcome Packet.  Kids have short attention spans ~ next time, CliffsNotes version please!  Soon afterwards, 5 women walked into the auditorium each holding a golden ticket listing the names of their Kindergarten students for the next year.  There are a total of 4 Kindergarten classrooms with about 18 students each.

When Mrs. B and Mrs. F called off the names of their students, Kristina was one of them (yes, she has two job-sharing teachers)!  We lined up together and slowly made our way across campus to Room 3.  Like mice looking for cheese, we searched out Kristina's desk area with her name on it.  Found it...right next to a nice boy name Troy.  Parents were asked to fill out a card with personal sentiments for their child which later we received back with Kristina's handprint and a heart in the middle of the palm.

Then the kids were called up one-by-one to get a name tag and sit on the carpet in one of the squares while Mrs. F began to read The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.  All the parents were around the periphery of the room while the children sat quietly listening.  Kristina turned around twice giving us that "oh, you're still here, whew!" glance but then came the moment:  "OK, kids" said the teacher, "give your parents hugs so they can go now."  I cry as I write this now because of the look on Kristina's face.  We were leaving her.  I haven't seen this specific look  from her in a long, long time.

I stood strong -- "Come on, honey -- give me a hug and kiss and I'll see you real soon."   I think Kristina gave Jon and me each 3 hugs and clung tightly before I noticed that she was the only kid not back on the carpet.  I was fine as I began to walk out of the classroom and then I saw Jon -- looking towards the back wall as if admiring the artwork -- but I knew it!  He is a softy!  The lump in my throat grew tighter as I stepped out and poked my head in for one more picture.  Jon exited the classroom but kept poking his head towards the door to see how she was doing -- only to draw her attention and request another hug, which he could not give.  Both Jon and Kristina survived -- somehow -- but God bless us the day this little girl marries!  I did fine until we walked off the campus and reality hit that our threesome was just two for now.  I did not sob like I did when I dropped her off at daycare for the first time 3 years ago (probably because at that time, Kristina was carried away from me bawling her eyes out...and this time, she was just quiet).  On this day, I had just enough mistiness of the eyes to make my nose run.

Jon picked Kristina up at 4:15pm and she was so excited to see us. We celebrated by going to our local mall to take a ride on the Carousel.  This is something Kristina really wanted to do and it was a great way to round out the day.

When we asked her how her first day went, we simply got a shrug of the shoulders.  She still didn't know anyone and couldn't remember the names of her teachers.  At Pre-school, many of the kids would run up to Kristina and give her hello hugs when we arrived.  Now she knows no one and there's definitely a different "aura" in her personality.  But I'm sure this will be short-lived until she makes some friends and once again feel like "big girl on campus."

Right now, as I finish this entry up (which has taken all week), Kristina is sleeping.  Kindergarten has wiped this girl OUT.  Twice this week (Tuesday and Friday), she has fallen asleep by 6:30pm.  We barely get in the door when I start to make dinner and turn around to find a sleeping child.  I guess I have some reworking to do with our schedules (i.e. try to get home sooner so I can see our little angel awake!).

Now for those awaiting pictures of our official "School Girl" (yes, Grammy...I know you've been waiting patiently), here you go!



The night before starting Kindergarten, each of us got to read to Kristina.  She chose "Love You Forever" for Daddy...

...and I got to read the book "The Night Before Kindergarten" (in rhyme similar to that of "Twas the Night Before Christmas").

Usually very animated when posing, this was the most we could get out of Kristina this morning.  Still cute, though!

Not sure who is more nervous about heading off to Kindergarten...

School is only a 5-minute walk up the street.  The sidewalks were buzzing this morning!

Arriving on campus

OK...I see a familiar spark in our daughter's eyes!

Whoa...maybe that spark is a reflection off of Kristina's new "sparkly" shoes!



Mommy is so proud of her big girl...

...and so is Daddy!

Making our way across Campus to Room 3~
Mrs. F's and Mrs. B's room.

After finding her seat in the classroom...

...Kristina holds up well but appears to be a little guarded.



Mrs. F begins reading "The Kissing Hand" to the class.

With parents hanging out along the sides of the rooms and in the kids' chairs, Mrs. B is on the far right.

Our little girl giving "Da Da" a see-you-later hug.  It's a blurry photo but this moment happened so fast ~ it's still a blur to us!
NOTE:   Kristina has never called Jon "Da Da" until this week at school.  At school, she reverted back to calling me Mama.  However, at home -- once again mommy and daddy.

My final "sneak peek" after walking out...the children are all holding little hearts (like the ones put into Build-A-Bears) that the teacher gave them.

Moments after being picked up from school...

Finishing the day on the Merry-Go-Round and striking a more typical Kristina pose!

Kindergartener Stats:

Weight:  40.2 lbs.

Height:  Have to check....hard to tell when she's lying down fast asleep!

What Kristina wants to be when older:  A Rock Star

Shoe Size: 10

Clothing Size: 5/6

Phrase of the Week:  "Oh my gosh"

Favorite Color:  Pink with purple

Favorite TV Show:  "When they buy houses"  (guess she's been watching House Hunters along with me!)

Favorite Animal:  Lion and Tiger

Kindergarten Lunch Box:  1) Tinkerbelle, 2) SpongeBob, and 3) Victorious (Kristina chose Victorious over and over so I finally broke down and bought it and then Nana surprised Kristina with Tinkerbelle and SpongeBob!  Good to know -- Kristina will always have a clean lunch box when going to school!)

Typical Lunch Box Contents:  Peanut Butter sandwich with crust cut off (cut into triangles), apple slices (with no skin), yogurt, bottled water for snack, sport bottle with apple juice (and water...shhh!) and two Oreo cookies

Favorite Food:  Ice Cream with Chocolate

Favorite Drink:  Apple Juice

Best Friend:  Gaby ("I miss Gaby....")

Our Letter to Kristina

Dearest Kristina:

Daddy and I can't begin to tell you how very proud we are of you.  You started Kindergarten this week ... how can it be?  It seems like yesterday we were trying to teach you words in English and now you are starting to read to us!  You were so brave when we left you at school and your reaction to seeing us at the end of your first day was priceless.  We never rush one of those "one more hugs" because we know how long we yearned for a child's hug, our child's hug -- your hug.

And now, as a big girl in big girl school, we wish you lots of nice friends, fun times and lots of new learning experiences.

We love you more than you'll ever know,  baby girl!

Mommy and Daddy  xoxoxo