School Blues...for Whom?

It was a beautiful day in sunny California. I woke up early around 7:45am and let Kristina sleep in while I started to pack her bag for school (pull-ups, juice, extra change of clothes, blanket and crib sheet cover for the naptime mat). At 8:15, she stumbled out of bed after noticing I wasn't beside her (she sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night). She grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge, opened it and then asked for "loshka" (spoon, in Russian -- one of the few words she consistently still uses). It was like any other morning except today, I told her how excited I was that she was going to "school" for the first time. (Was I excited? not so much....I was dreading it more than the 14-hour flight back from Moscow to Los Angeles --- which turned out great.)

Kristina was all smiles and actually quite efficient for a 2-year old. We brushed our teeth, did our hair and got dressed all in 15 minutes. When it came to shoes, though -- Kristina was determined to wear a pair of oversized black tap shoes she received from Mama's friend, Martie (thank you, Nico!). They have become Kristina's favorite shoes and it took almost 10 minutes to get her into some tennis shoes that would fair better on the school's playground.

At 9am, we were out the door and arriving at the school in 5 minutes. Her classroom was empty as all the children were on the playground. I found one of her teacher's who welcomed Kristina and called over Kristina's friend, Gaby. Gaby came over and gave a hug to Kristina. Thank you, Gaby! Whew --- so far, so good.

A dramatic toddler and her overly-attached Mama leaving for "school" for the first time.

The teacher proceeded to take me to the classroom so I could drop off Kristina's belongings and put it in her cubby hole. I told Kristina "go play, honey" and as I walked away, the "Mama, Mama..." started. Another teacher began to re-direct Kristina so I'm not sure how long the "Mama's" lasted...

I spoke to the teacher about my special request regarding Kristina's care. Kristina is 2 1/2 years old but we are only 3 months old as a family. I explained to her about our current process of attachment and the role of caregivers/teachers vs. Mama so as not to confuse Kristina. I kindly asked that if Kristina needs comforting, just to get down to her level and to comfort her with words and touch and reassurance that Mama would be back soon vs. picking her up, holding her tight, caressing her --- things that I ("da mama") would do. I even told the teacher than in her bag I had a small family picture album that could be shown to Kristina for comfort. She simply said "Don't worry -- she'll be fine -- it's usually harder on the parents than the children." Hmm, not sure she got it...

I was still fine at this point and then began to leave. I glanced into the playground area from the exit gate and there was Kristina, standing alone with her white blonde hair blowing in the wind, looking towards one of the teachers as lots of other kids ran by ---- and she was rocking from left foot to right foot to left foot to right foot. OK -- that's when I lost it. I turned away and opened the gate at which time I heard it again......"Mama".

I drove home in tears and JD was still there getting ready to leave for a dental appt. I was a blubbering mess! We've been together over 26 years yet I was so embarrassed to be crying over leaving Kristina for 90 minutes. Geez, get a grip, Mama --- what will I do when she goes to college? Gets married? God-willing, I'll be crying again...

When I went to pick her up at 10:30, I looked into the classroom window and she was playing. There were about 8 other little girls in the classroom playing together. As soon as Kristina saw me, she started bawling her eyes out and crying "Mama, Mama, Mama...". Boy -- did I get the biggest welcome hug to date. All the other little girls crowded around us with one reaching out to me to take her home, too, and it wasn't Gaby. Whoa --- this was reminiscent of orphanage visit days!!!

So, today was successful. The teacher said Kristina did just fine until I got there. Tomorrow, Kristina will be there for about 4 1/2 hours instead of today's "practice run" of only 90 minutes. I have a list of things to get done (work out -- ha, ha -- , shower [alone!], clean the house, mop the floor, etc.) but at the very top of the list is give and receive lots of hugs and kisses from my little school girl.

On the ride home from school. "Yeah - I'm a cool school girl....despite how good my thumb may be!"